#1

Maybe I just deserve this.

Maybe I don't deserve you at all.

Maybe I don't deserve anybody.

How can people love me, 

when I'm not in love with myself?

I don't have anything to share.

I don't have anything to give.

I leave people,

because I'm afraid to be left behind.

What a coward.

I'm a coward.

I give up too easily.

That's why I don't deserve you.

Or anybody.

Go die, Hanan.

I Give You My Back

I give up on toxic people. People who are full of negativity. I give up on "friends" who do not benefit me in anyway. Not intellectually, emotionally, mentally, nor spiritually at least. 

I am getting older every day. And each day that passes by being spent with no-good people is another day wasted. It's another day that I fail to grow. 

Sick of negativity, I have become. Drinking everyday, smoking up, partying every weekend, and wasting all our money on stupid things is something I do not wish to continue doing. 

If we grow together, we remain together. But if I outgrow you simply because you choose not to mature, then I will leave you and I will be unapologetic about it. Life's too short to waste on temporary people. I have a future that I need to focus on and dreams that I want to follow. I will not be held back by people with no vision.

I value the time and memories we have shared. I believe everyone comes into our lives for a reason. Much like school, we change teachers every year. We grow up to a certain point together, and then we plateau. 

But sometimes, we don't just plateau. We regress. And when you start dragging me down, that's the time I will let go. In a sinking ship, it's every man for himself. This is me accepting that not everyone who comes into my life, stays. I have to keep moving forward.

In life our perspectives and opinions are greatly influenced by society. 

We become what we are surrounded with. So surround yourself with positivity.

-  Macky Buenaventura

Lessons Life

The 45 lessons life taught me:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
10. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
11. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
12. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
14. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; that’s the way life is and you can’t change it.
15. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
16. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
17. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
18. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
19. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
20. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
21. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
22. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age.
23. The most important sex organ is the brain.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone everything.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ’In five years, will this matter?’
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
31. Believe in miracles.
32. Your loved ones love you because of who you are, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
33. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
34. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
35. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
38. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
39. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
40. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

- Regina Brett

30 simple ways to change your life for the better

1. Start spending time with the right people
   These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.

2. Start facing your problems head on
   It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

3. Start being honest with yourself about everything
   Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become.  Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there.

4. Start making your own happiness a priority
   Your needs matter. If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself. Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you. And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.

5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly
   Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.

6. Start noticing and living in the present
   Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past.  Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.

7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you
   Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning. Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving. Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.

8. Start being more polite to yourself
   If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.

9. Start enjoying the things you already have
   The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind. You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now. So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.

10. Start creating your own happiness
    If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too.

11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance
    In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.

12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step
    You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.

13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons
    Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.

14. Start giving new people you meet a chance
    It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work.  Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.

15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself
    Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time. You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be.  Aim to break your own personal records.

16. Start cheering for other people’s victories
    Start noticing what you like about others and tell them. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.

17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations
    When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.

18. Start forgiving yourself and others
    We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long.  We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

19. Start helping those around you
    Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness.  And so on and so forth.

20. Start listening to your own inner voice
    If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition. Be true to yourself. Say what you need to say. Do what you know in your heart is right.

21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks
    Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.

22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments
    Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.

23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect
    Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’ One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.

24. Start working toward your goals every single day
    Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen. Get out there and DO something! The harder you work the luckier you will become. While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it. By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result.

25. Start being more open about how you feel
    If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it. Talk to those closest to you. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Let them listen. The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.

26. Start taking full accountability for your own life
    Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them. Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own. You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.

27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships
    Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.

28. Start concentrating on the things you can control
    You can’t change everything, but you can always change something. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation. Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.

29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes
    The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it.  The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward. No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on.

30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now
    Henry David Thoreau once said, 'Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.' Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective.  You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear.  You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

- Mark Chernoff

Skema // Aiman Banna

*petikan dari buku Infiru*

Satu quote yang sangat skema, “you get what you give.”

What do you understand with this quote? Give good, then you will get good things and vice versa?

Macam kalau saya kasi awak lollipop kemudian saya akan dapat lollipop yang sama harga dan perisa, gituh?

Believe me, quote skema itu sangat-sangat deep.

Sebuah kisah, di mana seorang budak universiti yang hidup di atmosphera universiti. Seronok dan bebas…

Dia lelaki dan dia seperti lelaki lain, ada nafsu dan ada shaitan yang setia di sisi. Dia jatuh suka dengan seorang perempuan dan perempuan itu pun suka dia.

Suka sama suka, dan mereka bersama mendekati zina. Hinggalah suatu hari, mereka melakukan zina yang sebenar.

Ini kisah benar. Berlaku dalam dunia reality, bukannya mimpi.

Setelah berzina, masa berlalu. Pregnant, itu berita yang lelaki itu terima. Yes, dia mengandung hasil zina mereka.

Keluarga lelaki itu marah. Abang kepada lelaki itu berlari laju untuk serang si lelaki, dan setelah berdepan, jawapan lelaki itu mudah…

“Siapa dia, aku tak kenal. Aku tiada kaitan dengan dia. Langsung tiada.”

Jawapannya ringkas dan mudah. Kemudian si lelaki tinggalkan keluarga perempuan tersebut begitu sahaja.

Masa berlalu dengan izin Tuhan, sehinggalah beberapa tahun selepas itu, si lelaki pelik melihat Umi dia menangis. Menangis yang teresak-esak. Umi dia kerap pengsan dan menangis. 

Dia tanya, “Kenapa ini? Astaghfirullah!”

“Kakak kau, kakak kau mengandung, kakak kau berzina dengan jiran sebelah!”

Dia berlari laju menuju jirannya itu, dan jawapan jirannya sangat mengejutkan.

“Siapa kakak kau, aku tak kenal. Aku tiada kaitan dengan kakak kau. Langsung tiada.”

MashaAllah, jawapan itu sangat sama dengan jawapannya suatu ketika dahulu.

Istighfar. Dia beristighfar.

Detik masa berlalu, saat demi saat, minit demi minit, hinggalah tiba hari perkahwinan si lelaki. Keluarga lelaki dan keluarga perempuan datang dengan majlis mereka. Meriah.

Pada hari pertama antara dia dan isteri dia, satu kata-kata isteri dia membuatkan dirinya sangat terkejut, lebih terkejut daripada berita kakaknya berzina dengan jiran.

“Awak, saya dah pernah berzina sebelum ini. Saya pernah buat hubungan seks dengan lelaki lain sebelum awak. Minta maaf.”

Perempuan itu pernah berzina, sama juga dengan dirinya yang pernah berzina.

Istighfar. Dia beristighfar.

Keluarga mereka bahagia, ada seorang anak perempuan. Ketika itu, anak perempuan yang comel itu berumur 6 tahun. Hidup sepertimana kanak-kanak lain, bermain di luar rumah dengan kanak-kanak lain.

Satu hari, si anak berlari jumpa si ayah. Dia teresak-esak menangis.

“Abah, pak guard rogol saya.”

MashaAllah, jantung hati ayah mana yang tak terobek dengan berita anak berumur 6 tahun dirogol?

Istighfar. Dia beristighfar.

---

Skema ke tak quote “you get what you give”?

Skema tak skema, mohon jaga iman dalam jiwa. Terdetik nak bermaksiat? Ingat, you will get what you give.

Skema pun skema lah kan, tapi dalam Quran Allah ada kata mengenai this quote but in different cara penyampaian.

Surah Ghafir, 40.

Dalam ayat ini, Allah kata:

“Sesiapa yang mengerjakan sesuatu perbuatan jahat maka ia tidak akan dibalas melainkan kejahatan yang sebanding dengannya.”

You will get what you give.

Banyak lagi ayat describing about this, in my research, these are the ayats:

Al-An-aam : 160

Al-Qasas : 84

Dan lain-lain ayat.

Well, kalau kamu buat zina kepada orang lain dan kamu buat bodoh sepertimana dalam cerita diatas, so you will get what you give.

Dosa lain pun sama.

Mencuri.

Mengumpat.

Buat fitnah.

Dan pelbagai lagi maksiat yang ada di atas dunia ini.

Haaaa, ni nak tambah lagi bad news untuk kamu, buat benda baik you will not get what you give.

Ini serius. Kamu buat baik kamu tidak akan dapat yang setimpal. That’s how it works so chill lah.

So macam tak syok lah nak buat baik. Jadi macam buat kempen tak payah buat baik sebab buat baik tiada implikasi balik kepada kita. Buat baik tidak dibalas baik tapi buat jahat dibalas setimpal.

“Hm nak bertapa dalam bilik tak nak buat jahat dan tak nak buat baik. Muktamad!”

Yes. Bila kita buat baik, kita tidak akan dapat baik yang setimpal. Allah akan bagi LEBIH BAIK daripada apa yang kamu buat baik.

Untuk istilah buat baik, namanya:

YOU WILL GET BETTER

FROM WHAT YOU GIVE.

Gituhh!

Macam kalau saya kasi awak lolipop kemudian saya akan dapat lolipop yang sama harga dan perisa, gituh?

Tak. Bukan begitu.

Kalau saya bagi awak lolipop perisa strawberi, I will get back lolipop perisa strawberi+vanilla+chocolate yang ada aiskrim tiga tingkat atas lolipop itu da nada syrup chocolate dan aiskrim import atas lolipop tersebut.

Berganda-ganda kan? Syoknya!

Tak skema kan? So ikhwah akhawat yang allergic dengan perkataan skema, jom kita allergic buat jahat sebab penjahat itu skema dan mulalah kita buat baik kerana orang baik itu tidak skema juga bakal ahli Syurga.

Infiru! =]